I love running. I like to do at least one 5k every couple of months. maybe that doesn’t seem like much. At least until you get to know me. I have a very difficult time even standing. When I do a run, I can hardly get up for several days. So why do I run?
I run because of how I feel when I run. It quiets the noise in my head. It helps me to focus. I find a consistent rhythm that helps me to process. When I run, it makes me feel better. Normal. Calm.
I run because it is worth the pain to feel free.
Thanksgiving Turkey Trot 2014
First, wishing friends a merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. That said, I have to say that I am really struggling this holiday season.
I think part of the issue is that being autistic at Christmas is painful. All the things that hurt are amplified. The noises are louder, the lights are brighter and the crowds of totally uncaring people are just plain overwhelming. The noise and chaos is simply unbearable! It seems like so many Christmas songs have high pitched squeeky parts. And the volume goes up from horrible to unbearable. People forget what manners are. They shout at me to hurry up or get out of their way when I am simply trying to pay for my groceries or find something on a shelf in a store. For some reason it seems like items are moved from thir usual locations. At Christmas it is just so much easier to get lost in space. Literally. As innot being sure where I am in relation to my surroundings.
Then there is the depression. I always get this at Christmas. I do sometimes wonder if that is part of my autism too. No one has ever bothered trying to explain it to me. This year it is slightly different. I am still mourning Angela. Her death hit me hard. And since her final wish was Christmas, we did that. In November. It sort of tainted the holiday season for me.
Finally, there is all the fake cheer I am supposed to have. Sorry. This year I just can’t manage it. I have tried. But it is very difficult to say I am great with a smile, when i really want to say leave me alone so I can cry. Which is a HUGE no-no. You can’t mourn in December. You have to be MERRY. Or else!
I just wish that people would respect that for some peaple Christmas sucks!
Wow did I learn that one this weekend. Communication could have saved a lot of heartbreak for a lot of people.
TO Thanksgiving Day I did the 5K Turkey Trot to benefit the Marin And San Francisco Food Bank. I have to say, I really enjoyed it.
To begin with, it was a beautiful crisp morning. The race began at I believe 7. 30. And it was a lovely route, along the waterfront, under the bay bridge and just to peir 14. It was perfect running weather. Just a t-shirt was enough. Second, in a way I was representing my tribe as well as my fellow pageant queens. Instead of a bib that said Happy Thanksgiving, mine was customized to say Ability Nez Perce. I had my pageant bow on, too.
I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to finish. I often can’t walk that far. But I did. Not only that, but I finished with my best time ever! 56.11. Yeah, ME finishing a race in under an hour!.
the runners high from that got me through the rest of the day. Yeah, this is why I run.